So today I found out that one of my Filipina friends has got engaged to her foreign boyfriend she met on a Filipino dating site. Although the guy is promising to visit her soon, they’ve never actually met in person.
That got me thinking – is this the right thing to do? Whether you’re a Western man or an Asian woman, should you get engaged before you’ve met?
So far I’ve travelled to Asia four times to meet various women. Yeah I’m taking my time to find a loving wife from Asia, but this is largely to do with the fact that I’m young and I’ve not been previously married. Since I’m below the age of 40, I’m looking for the mother of my future children. So forgive me if I’m pretty selective about the woman I’ll eventually marry. Also I’ve not had a long history of relationships, and it’s taking me a while to figure out what sort of lady would make the most suitable bride for me. If you’ve previously been married to a Western woman or an Asian woman, then hopefully you’ll have a much better idea of what your ideal woman will be like.
So if you’re talking to someone and having a good long distance relationship, should you get engaged to them?
Yes It’s a Good Idea!
I’m fortunate in that I have a good job and cash in the bank. But I’m aware that not all men seeking Asian brides are as fortunate as I am when it comes to finances.
There are many beautiful girls in Asia, so make sure you’re sure she’s The One
Let me tell you straight up – finding an Asian wife is expensive. Hell – it costs me $86 just to get the train from my city to London’s Heathrow Airport! As a rough estimate I normally spend around $2500 on a fortnight’s trip to China in order to meet ladies. That includes flights, hotels and expenses while in China. Sure, I like to fly Cathay Pacific – you can cut flight costs by using a lesser carrier, flying at unsociable hours, quiet periods of the year, or by changing planes in some hub in a country like Egypt or Finland. Similarly, I booked a mid-range hotel in the business district of prosperous Guangzhou, although lesser hotels in Asia aren’t that much cheaper.
If you’re on a limited budget then you can also cut costs by spending more time on dating sites choosing The One. Then if you’re sure you’ve found her, then you can start saving for that trip to meet her. Maybe you could even get married on your first visit to the Philippines. Plenty of older guys marry their Thai brides on their first meeting, so it’s not unknown. Asian women do tend to make up their minds pretty quickly about whether a man is husband material – and much sooner than a Western woman will.
My gut instinct on this is that if you think you’ve met your dream lady on an Asian dating site then you’ll love her even more in real life. I’ve rarely been disappointed with ladies I’ve had a good feeling about.
However, please remember that there are a lot of ladies in Asia, and it is expensive to visit Asia. So always have a backup plan of some reserve ladies you’d like to visit should your original lady turn out to be a disappointment.
Another crucial thing that you must do before you visit her is to see your lady on webcam. Photos can be easily airbrushed these days. Take a look on sites like Asian Beauties and LoveMe and you’ll see that the photos have usually been extensively airbrushed. One airbrushing Chinese girl once broke my heart. I really liked her, but when we came to chat on webcam for the first time I found out she looked nothing like her incredible photos she posted on Chinese Cupid!
No It’s Not a Good Idea!
Well I’ve met around a dozen Asian girls through various dating sites now, and I can say that it’s actually quite difficult to tell if there’s chemistry unless you meet in person. So if you get engaged to a girl you’ve never met, then you’re setting yourself up for a huge potential disappointment.
Asia is hot, crowded and crazy, and it’s not a great place to think about important things like marriage
Personally, if you can afford it then I think you need to make two trips to Asia. On the first trip pick 4 ladies you like, and meet them all. Actually, 4 ladies maybe too many. On my last trip to China I shortlisted 4 ladies, but only met two of them. The first one was too young for me, but the second was just right and we hit it off immediately. I didn’t meet the other two ladies, but I was glad I had them in reserve just in case.
On the first trip maybe you can get engaged to a girl if you really think she’s the one. But what I prefer to do is to return home and have a good think about her. Asia is hot and crazy, and jetlag distorts the mind. It’s not a good place for thinking about life changing events. So take time at home to think things through. Then if you feel the same way about her after a couple of months, book the return trip so you can get engaged, meet her family and maybe even get married.
I’m still not sure you should really rush into marriage though. Not all relationships work out, and once you’re over the honeymoon period then things can go wrong pretty quickly. While it’s a nice thought to get married in Asia, I’m of the opinion that it’s better to get your Asian lady over to your own country on a finance visa. I know that in the UK you can normally get a visa for 6 months. This is normally long enough to get to know a lady pretty well, and if it doesn’t work out she can simply return to the Philippines.
By the way, I know that becoming engaged normally means buying an engagement ring. I’d recommend you buy this in Asia, and don’t risk sending it to the Philippines. I sent my Chinese girlfriend gift after gift to her address in China. Cuddly toys and chocolates arrived without problems. Sure, they sometimes too weeks to arrive, but they did always get there. However, the first time I sent gold jewelry the parcel disappeared without trace.
Whichever route you go down though, good luck with your own Asian dating experience.